Sacrifices

Nathan: Super Insurance Assistant

First things first....Thank you to my lovely friend Tara for creating this blog for me. I didn't even ask....She just went ahead and sucked me into the new era of technology! It's taken me a while, but here I am. Sometime I'll have to tell you all about the albino alligator, for those who don't know. On another note, before the below "blog on sacrifices," let me just tell you how much I love Tara.....THIS MUCH (imagine my arms stretched wide, then hugging her). She gave me a beautiful card which is tucked into the corner of my mirror. There's a faerie/queen/witch, dressed in white, holding a bloody heart in her hand....She's surrounded by polar bears (or at least I imagine the polar bears spill out past the borders of the card). She's in Antartica; the bloody heart keeps her warm. Tara knows how my imagination works! Love you, T. Okay now....

Well, lately I've been thinking a lot about sacrifices. Both the emotional and physical kind. Here's an example from a book I just read--AN EGG ON THREE STICKS, by Jackie Moyer Fischer. I had written this message to Lizbeth, who'd highly recommended the book to me. Spoiler alert--this quote gives away the book's ending:

"I found the book's ending fascinating, particularly the idea of 'emotional sacrifices' (which sometimes take on physical forms). Abby talks about how people have 'one bad thing' that 'stamps' them in life. Divorce. A disability. A son in the war. The list goes on and on. She becomes terrified and sad because she ends up burdened with 'two sad things'--her mother's mental illness and her pregnancy (which, naturally, she doesn't want to take responsibility for). In the end, when she finds her mother, she is oddly enough unburdened of both 'bad things' at the same time. Both are physical blood sacrifices while at the same time emotional sacrifices. Abby has a miscarriage; her mother has succeeded in committing suicide. Out of three generations in the room, Abby is the only one left in the physical plane. It's hard to describe the feeling that came over me when I read that part. It's almost like her mother's death ALLOWED Abby to have the miscarriage (and I for sure believe she was, indeed, pregnant). And while suicide and a miscarriage are tragic things, they are also weights lifted off Abby's shoulders, albeit in very sad, tragic ways....Abby can now move past her mother's illness, as can the rest of her family--evidenced in that glimpse of relief she catches in her father's eyes at the funeral. She can move past the pregnancy and maybe reclaim, even a little bit, being a child again.

At the end, she's gone through so much....she is now able to 'handle two tears.' And I find it powerful, magical, and beautiful that she sees the two feet of the angel on the table, two feet she never noticed before, two feet that parallel her mother's two bare feet on the carpet when Abby finds she has passed away. Abby will always have a piece of her mother with her and within her. And, with the angel at the table, her mother is always looking out for her, a guardian angel of sorts. Her mother will always have a place at the family table."

So there we go. A final note on sacrifices: Sometimes I think we have to (uber-) consciously choose to make the "wrong" choice....This keeps us sane and allows us to make the right ones most of the rest of the time. For instance, this week I canceled plans at the last minute with Kevin--for very good reasons, mind you--and didn't go to my volunteer job at Our House of Portland, which is a residential facility for people living with AIDS. I had (semi-) decent reasons for this, as well. Still, I could have worked around both things and "made them happen." But I needed a break, needed to "sacrifice" these Good Karma Things so that I could ride the purple glitter wave without hesitation.....Mix karma with a REALLY bad Saturday, toss in Monday's foot pain, sprinkle in a dash of melodrama, and you have the perfect recipe for recuperation! Oh, and the dessert for all this--watching "Buffy" and "Angel." Cures me every time.