Tofurkey & Other Nathan Morsels

Wow, it feels like it's been forever since I've sat down and written you all. Maybe it's because the holidays have come upon us in a rush, and Thanksgiving -- while only a week and a half behind us -- feels so much farther away. Tofurkey Day was just wonderful; I can't believe how scrumptious all the vegan dishes were. Here we go: pepper hummus (Ben); Jan's Vegan Stirfry Delight; pate (Christina and Ryan); vegan rice pudding (me); tofurkey and field roast with stuffing (C and R); red wine (the wine gods); vegan pumpkin pie (Frey Meyer's?); vegan tofu chocolate pie (Ben); greenbean casserole with cream of mushroom (Jan); and loads of other little goodies. We had a lovely day of Totally '80s! Trivial Pursuit, Mystery Science Theatre 3000, and good conversations. I feel very at home in C and R's digs -- their kooky dolls, dangling postcards, Xmen drinking glasses, collection of vinyls, their Everybody Poops book in their bathroom.

My mood has been up and down lately -- not in extremes, necessarily, but more wave-like than usual. My heart can't seem to make up its mind what kind of space it's in. I'm both okay with the weather (when it's less cold, less windy) and totally not okay with it (the winds whipping through my bones, the rain lashing against Chloe's windshield). So the weather on the inside and the weather on the outside seem to be vying for attention as of late.

Small moments, as usual, have been sticking with me: reconnecting with Julie over amazing soy hot cocoas at Chance of Rain; talking with Christina on the phone so we could comfort one another; writing out owl holiday cards; updating my address book (seems silly, I know, but I feel so much more organized!); reading Ray Bradbury's Dandelion Wine (one of those books that gives me the "this book was written for me" feeling); sleeping in; working on Christmas presents; writing; finishing Twin Peaks with Jan, Ben, Christina, and Ryan; spending time with Luna and Ollie (her surgery is on Wednesday); having dinner at Nicholas's with Jennifer, and then going back to her place for a tea & photos-of-Japan visit; giving Jan lots of hugs and receiving many in return; Ben's cute expression when I brought him coffee yesterday as a little surprise. The list goes on. And I currently am on pins and needles because I get to see Tori in concert tomorrow! You will definitely be hearing from me about that one.

Friendships -- both specific ones, and the idea of Friendship in general -- have been sifting through me like clumpy sand. I feel like some of my friendships have changed over the last couple years....lost touch with people I never thought that would happen with....felt distanced from others in shocking ways....been connected to yet others in uplifting and intricate and surprising ways....Do any of you ever experience that feeling of: "Is it me? Is it them? Is this just what happens as we get older and our priorities and personalities shift and change and deepen and crack apart and heal?" On the one hand, I feel disappointed, and on the other hand I feel like I need to let it go, that it's just a natural progression of Life and Personality. I think (think, mind you, not know for sure) that I have a pretty good grip on who I was, who I am, and who I'm striving to be, and in that Nathan-Blender get mixed all of you. Like anything -- and anyone -- we can't always know if the mix is going to come out just the way we want it, but we try anyway. I have faith and trust in myself (and joy and success) and these things carry me through with a warrior's wisdom and steady hand.

p.s. Jan found the coolest thing (it's a secret) and she passed it on to me, and I'm keeping it close to both hand and heart to guide me into December and then 2008. Here comes my inner She-Ra!