The Mother

Mom sent Jordan, Aaron, and me this funny/bittersweet email recently. It captures her (dark) sense of humor and her willingness to say it like it is. With her permission, I've reprinted it here.
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Dearest Darlings,

I thought that Jordan's birthday would be an appropriate time to fill you in on two new things going on in my life. I just found out yesterday that I can sign up for one year/52 weeks of one hour per week, one on one instructions with the Genius instructors at Apple. It is only $XX; well worth the price for you guys not to lose your minds trying to explain computer things to me over the phone. I can even use the service in different cities all around the world.

#2 I just signed up for funeral insurance. $XXX if I die regular and double that if I die by accident and triple if I die on a airplane or other common carrier. It will cover the cost of roasting me and having a nice party or dinner or vacation or whatever so you guys can get together and reminisce about how I beat you, put cigarettes out on you, etc.!!! So, when I am peeing in my pants and I don't know what is going on please feel free to push me off of a cliff for the double indemnity. If you do that b4 I am ready, I will haunt you and make you shit your pants in public and no one will ever want to be around you, so there!

Love to you all,
The Mother