date me?

Dear Mr. Scott Speedman,

I fell in love with you when you played Ben on Felicity. (I was originally a Noel fan, but your darker, more elusive nature won me over with its Freudian, more subtle psychological undertones.) Your role in the Underworld films only further solidified my lust (err, I mean love) for you. I have a Charlotte Martin T-shirt that says, "I'm Normal, Please Date Me." If I wear this shirt for you, will you respond with a resounding yes? Now, I know you're straight, but that's just a minor detail, and seeing as I invite drama into my Life on a regular basis, I'm totally open to negotations.

I hope to hear from you soon, Mr. Speedman, and best wishes for a great 2008.

Peace and Pinches,
Mr. Nathan Buck

p.s. I've long been on the hunt for a "Ben or Noel?" T-shirt. I know they're out there. Please send one my way. I wear a size medium.