Dewey....and other characters in Nathan's Life Adventure.

For a long time -- maybe my whole life -- I've wondered why some people treat others like shit yet get handed diamonds, and others can give and give and give and Life seems to mind-fuck them with a vengeance. God has a dark sense of humor, I guess. So do I, but I'm not sure I totally understand.

I think it's because a part of me, unhealthily, still relates sucess with money. Financial wealth = accomplishment. Is this my culture working its way through my DNA? Is this the shadow of my father, who abandoned his family so that he could focus on his career and his new, more mainstream second family? Is this my tendency to be attracted to men who at first are in awe of me -- my quirky habits, my offbeat spirituality, my sexual curiosity with its raw, rough edges -- but then are threatened when they "can't live up to my expectations" and retreat into their shells of shallow needs where they don't ask enough (spiritual) questions of themselves?

We recently lost W, a resident at Our House. Her Circle was beautiful; I shared a Buddhist poem, and others shared words of wisdom and enlightenment and sadness and curiosity. I was particularly impressed by Brian; it was his first day as a student nurse, and he talked about how he'd never even heard of W until fifteen minutes before the Circle. He said from now on he'd always associate the name "W" with his first day at Our House. We all picked out beads that capture the color/essence we associate with W, and we strung them into a necklace. I picked a blue bead, for "ocean", for infinity.

Thursday was a strange day in general. Cracks of conversations at work where I could almost see the Web working its way amongst us all. I took a different route to work than usual; I'd gone to the early Bikram yoga class, and because my car was parked in the reverse direction outside my house -- while I showered, got ready for work -- I decided, heck, I'd take the alternate way. At 15th and Killingsworth, while at the stoplight, I saw this cute little fluffball of smunchiness, covered in shit and dirt, looking all panicked as he ran down the sidewalk. I didn't see his owner/companion anywhere in sight. I pulled over right as a woman -- her name's Susie -- also pulled over to see what was up with Dewey (as Mom and I have since named him). It took Susie and me 10-15 minutes to get Dewey safely into my arms. He ran in front a semi; blocked traffic; got scared and ran down sidestreets, behind someone's recycling bins, in someone else's garden. Finally Susie and I got on both sides of him, and I scooped him up in the towel I keep in the back of my car to lay down on the seat after yoga. I swaddled him up, and Susie and I shared a few grace-filled words back at the stoplight, and then I promised to take him to the Oregon Humane Society. Dewey got calm once we got in Chloe (my Saturn), but he still tried jumping in my lap to look out the driver's window, which was semi-comical because I was on the phone with Kay at work, telling her I'd be in a touch late, and I almost dropped the phone, and my arms got all tangled. At OHS, the doors were locked; a stranger, a man there also, pointed out the sign: I needed to make an appointment or bring Dewey to my local county shelter. "No good deed goes unpunished," he said (which Mom also said to me the next day), and then the stranger told me maybe I should set Dewey free on the street and "let nature take its course." Um, no. To make a long story only a little bit longer, Mom and I worked together to get Dewey cleaned up; to put out notices at various sources for Dewey's possible past family (though there are signs he'd been neglected, even abused); and to get out the word to friends & coworkers that little Dewey needs a new home.

Any of you want to give Dewey a loving home? (Tara and Brad just adopted two dogs -Maria and, get this, by coincidence/convergence, Dewey, or they might've been willing to cuddle up with Mr. Smunchy.) Dewey is cuter than any button, totally sweet and non-aggressive. He IS hyper (though calmer by the day), and he does need some house-training. Mom and I would really love to give Dewey a home with someone we know and trust, rather than just taking him to the shelter. Call me or write me at my email address (my personal account or the one I use for this blog in my "Contact" section). Dewey does need to be taken in for shots and to be neutered, and he needs to get his dreadlocks shaved....We took him for an initial visit at the vet to have him checked out and to see if he has a chip (he doesn't), and he's in good health, about a year or year and a half old, with no fleas, and strong teeth. You'll love him!

Yesterday, Mom and I drove to Astoria to visit with Jacki, my cousin, and with her kids, Regan and Ignatius, whom we hadn't met yet. (It's been four years since we've seen Jacki; she lived in Hawaii and now in Las Vegas, and is visiting in-laws in Astoria). How wonderful to spend the day at the ocean, in the sun, eating quesadillas and ice cream, carrying Regan and Ignatius, catching up in snippets about our families and the past several years. It was hard for me to say goodbye to Jacki; she's such a loving person. I have SO many relatives on both sides of the family, and because of family drama with both the Bucks and Bonaguros, we've lost touch with many of them. Many bridges have been burned. And then burned some more. Most of the time I feel strong and okay with it being "just" Mom, Jordan, Aaron, and me, starting over almost, the four of us the roots of a new Family Tree. But sometimes, like yesterday, there are these pangs of melancholy at the loss and misunderstandings. So many relationships with the Bucks and Bonaguros have been damaged -- and so much of this has to do with money, the stealing of it, the hoarding of it, the backstabbing and the lies. Money feels like curdled milk way too often. If you don't put it to good use, it gets spoiled and warps you, takes you to dark places.

I'm still having dreams of Jim, Levi, and Ben, although they're lessening. I've also had some dreams that have come true lately, which is interesting. Just read two amazing Francesca Lia Block books, Quakeland and Blood Roses, and her words have ignited fires in my heart. My novel is comingly along just swimmingly, and I'm currently in love with Cyndi Lauper's The Body Acoustic and Seal's System (which is blasting at this moment throughout the house, while I sit here with Ollie, Luna, and Dewey.) I've been exchanging loving emails with Margot, the recipient of May's Twelve Months of Christmas care package. Also exchanged loving emails with Karen, April's recipient. Lately there have been tons and tons of little moments of revelation and connection and waves of Life-Passion. The Web is Vibrant and Alive, pulsing with dance-energy.