Parties & Circles (Or, Touch)

We all crave human touch. This isn't a sexual thing (although it certainly can be); it's a want-to-be-loved thing. I mean, I just love giving and getting hugs. Sometimes hugs are way better than kissing, sex, or anything in-between. Hugs make you feel safe, encompassed, healed. It takes talent, though, to hug someone the correct way. I think too many people--especially men, I've noted--do that pat-pat thing, like they're really afraid to just grab you and squeeze. Come on, guys! Squeeze away! Your masculinity isn't threatened; if anything it's strengthened because you're saying, "Hey, I'm comfortable with who I am, let me show ya." Kissing is great too; don't you just love a good kisser? Good kissers make you melt like ice cream on a hot summer day. I LOVE kissing....funny, because I was scared of it for so long. I didn't want to be a bad kisser. Some of you have heard that Esther and I practiced kissing in college. We just thought, Heck, let's give this a whirl! She neglected to tell me that our hour and a half kissing session at a party took place on her ex-boyfriend's bed. In front of him. Oh, the little details. Gotta love my Esther. Whether it's a massage, a hair comb, holding hands, or doing Eskimo and butterfly kisses with your noses and eyelashes respectively, we want to feel connected to someone. This physical connection translates emotionally in our hearts. This last weekend Carly and I had a party with lots of our loved ones. I think one of my favorite parts of hosting a party is greeting everyone when they walk in the door, hugging them and making them feel welcome. And, while saying goodbye/see you later is so difficult for me, those hugs at the end of the night help both people remember that they're a part of each other. Last night I went to D's Circle at Our House of Portland. It was a lovely evening filled with music, poetry, shared memories, and a literal Circle (well, maybe more a misshapen rectangle) where we all held hands and said a word that captured D's essence for us. The words seemed to travel amongst all of us like that game, Telephone, where you whisper the message into the next person's ear. But, in this case, we could all hear the message loud and clear: We love you, D! You're still with us! I want to end this post by noting that I also love the figurative definition of the word "touch." Hopefully, we all touch people all the time without actually making any physical contact. We bring love and hope and desire and friendship and understanding to our relationships. One of my favorites is when a stranger and I smile at one another--man, woman, child, adult--and we know we've both made the other person's day. Last night, at the end of the Circle, D's mom asked me to read one of his poems at his funeral service on Saturday. I was touched by this, and I even remember that word "touched" rolling through me, how this offer from D's mother just grabbed me and lit me up. Hugs. Kisses. Sex. Massages. Emotional connections. It sure feels kick-ass to be a human.