Bad Boys Vs. Good Boys (Or, Sex)

Is it just me or do you sometimes find yourself attracted to completely different types of people? I mean, sometimes I picture I'll end up with some gray-haired middle-aged man who has grace, maturity, and self-confidence (and, of course, he completely worships the ground I walk on). Other times I think I want some cigarette-smoking rebel who will kiss me with his pierced tongue and when I see him naked for the first time I'll just want to run my fingers over all his tattoos. Good Boy is a bit more reserved in the bedroom, but knows how to hold me while I fall asleep. Bad Boy f#%*s me like he's rocketshipping me into outerspace, but I'm left feeling kind of lonely afterwards. One makes me feel safe, the other makes me feel objectified (in a good way). Both make me feel sexy as hell. Good Boy takes me to some fancy restaurant with candles on the table, and we drink expensive wine and talk about the existence of God. Bad Boy talks about God with me, too, but he prefers to do it in a diner booth where there are coffee stains on the counter and people have crushed their cigarette butts into empty, cracked cups. One smells like cologne, the other like a squeaky leather jacket. It's funny when people ask me my type. I have several--short, tall, dark, blonde, stocky, skinny, preppie, skater-boi, you name it. I could easily snuggle inside someone's Abercrombie & Fitch sweatshirt that I've snatched off his shelf, or I could wrap myself in that black leather jacket and run the zipper through my fingertips. Am I falling in love with different versions of myself? Different versions of my father? (Go Freud!) Different puzzle pieces that provide answers on the same Life Board? Ryan Adams says in one of his songs: "One breaks my body and the other breaks my soul." Men seem to break me in both ways, at the same time. Love and lust get mixed up with memories and biological needs and future wants. Sometimes I'm aching for human connection and sometimes I'm achin' to chill with the Universe through carnal, primal means. If I even try to fill in the blank gap of my Maybe Soulmate, I'm left with lots of blurriness. I know, though, that I search for kindness, passion, intelligence....These qualities may be found in my Bad Boy or my Good Boy. Maybe I'll end up with In-Between-Gray Boy, who's willing to dip into both sides of himself and express those to me. Maybe that's Love. Showing someone layer after layer after layer, without stopping.