Perspective [....Mind the Gap between picture and words]

Isn't this picture hilarious? The daughter of an acquaintance drew this for her mother, so yes, it's not meant to be funny....But how can we not laugh? I kind of feel like being irreverant at the moment. I'm thinking about perspective, and what a little son-of-a-gun (re: bastard spawn) I used to be when I was a young child. You all think I'm fabulously nice now (wink, wink) but back in the day I was Pure Hellion. Exhibit #1 (which, even as it's funny, makes me feel oddly sad at times): My mother used to do art projects with me. She's quite talented, and even today she doodles these fancy little portraits along the edges of paper, envelopes, notepads. One time in my very early years she made me this kick-ass caterpillar staped together from paper plates; after adding colors and a happy face, she cut out this hat from construction paper and stapled it onto Mr. Caterpillar's head. When she presented it to me, what did I proceed to do? I screamed, "I don't like that hat!" and I tore up the caterpillar and threw it on the ground! Exhibit #2: In those same early years, I used to saunter up to my mom with a sweet smile on my face and my hands behind my back. She'd bend down to hug me--and then I'd smack her in the face with a toy truck or bite her on the arm. My mother (Love you, Mom!) had some....unique ways to combat me and my brothers when we pulled the Evil Brat Card on her. After I bit her on the arm one too many times? She bit me back. I never pulled my vampiric tendencies on her again! After my brothers and I argued to the point of Nervous Breakdown Material in the car? She threatened to drop us off in the woods where "an axe murderer would come along and chop our heads off." Exhibit #3: If we were misbehaving at home, my mom threatened to hit us with this leather horse whip she'd bought. My brothers and I thought she really meant it! So one time, after we'd driven her up the proverbial wall (and a rare instance of my brothers being the instigators instead of me) my mom called me into my room. She had the whip. Then she leaned close and whispered, "Okay, now I'm going to pretend to spank you with this thing. Scream really loud, like it hurts, and then your brothers will behave." So then she smacked the horse whip against my mattress and I yelled, "No! Stop! Ouch!" over and over, every time she hit the bed. Needless to say, Jordan and Aaron shut their mouths and behaved for the rest of the day. I could go on and on, but I want some of you to still like me! Funny how time changes our view on things. In this day and age, when parents often treat their children like Little Adults instead of the children they are I look back with such respect, fondness, and humor at my mom's offbeat but successful approach to parenting. She's always been a dignified, strong, beautiful woman who--even when she was dishing out these "punishments"--had a mischievous and playful twinkle in her eye. As her parents said to her, she said to us: "Just wait until you have children one day. Then you'll understand." And, while I don't have children and am not sure if I want to, I've learned my lessons well. I've watched my mother go through a painful divorce; she's become a sassy Fag Hag who loves gay men and loves going to the gay bars with me; she remodels and works on homes like men half her age--she does it with gusto and intelligence, taste and style. Finally, my mother has embraced being just that. A mother. She's allowed her three sons to transition from Life Phase to Life Phase, and she's there to offer lessons, and allow us our flaws, and to be the first to offer a tremendous hug. Want to know where I learned to hug? It's from Ms. Janice Adele Veronica Bonaguro Buck Sinclair. Perspective has made me see that she should also be called Ms. Classy, Elegant, & Wise.