The Bogeyman

I slept like a baby last night, after a day of taking in a lot of what's gone on for the past two years. Mom is still in NYC visiting Jordan and Aaron, and it's strange to find myself in the house by myself. I don't like it better or worse -- it's just different. I think back to when I first moved to Portland, and I felt lonely and scared and a little broken, how I used to think the bogeyman (or, I should say, some Evil Killer from Somewhere) was trying to get into the house. I put knives under my bed, in other easy-to-find places. I had horrible nightmares and woke up, slinked to the front of the house and peeked outside to see if I was being watched.

Then Mom moved in, and it's been a year of being reconnected, of working on the house, of learning to spend time together in new ways, and to find those moments for myself where I used to be lonely and once in a while long for that old feeling, in a weird way. I sure do miss Jan. I can't wait to give her a big hug upon her return, to enter into the next phase of our Portland Adventure.

I've had a lovely couple of weeks. A week off to write, read, sleep....a nice weekend this past one of seeing Jim and Carl, Tara and Brad, of reaching into my muse-pores and allowing myself to channel Her. My mood has been up and down, but not in a scary way. Rather, in an accepting & accepted way. I watched two films this weekend--Starman and Never Cry Wolf--both starring Charles Martin Smith. How wonderful to feel at peace on a Sunday night, and to relish in my fresh sheets, in knowing Ollie is nearby to keep me company. I woke feeling blessed and alive and free, and scared and curious and a touch timid. Today is a good day.