Reconciliation

Reconciliation brings with it sadness and release. I am filled with waves of....possibilities, regrets, hopes, fears. Whatever I'm feeling, I'm just so thankful it's so pure, so filled with healing. Finally. We are on our way.

I've gone to so many people, asking for answers, angles, ideas, thoughts. And my loved ones have been the greatest of blessings, bringing their own life experiences to the table. I couldn't have done this without them. But what I've realized is that--while I needed to talk to my friends and family, to feel their hugs--in the end it all comes down to MY heart. My heart and his heart. Relationships of all kinds are filled with gray areas, with flaws, and some of the things I see & hear around me--from other relationships--feel right on inside me. But there have been times when I've been offered little nuggets that, while they feel sorta kinda right some of the time, aren't always carried out in the people offering them. Sometimes we are able to see others' relationships more objectively than our own.

This post is vague, I know. On purpose, I suppose. This is one of those that's definitely more for me than for anyone else.

I am thankful for such a lovely talk yesterday. A new sadness shifted into me, but for maybe the first time since all this started I feel that it's a healing, loving sadness. One filled with grace and compassion. The kind of sadness that actually washes away the other kinds of yucky sadness.

Why I know that we're healing: I'm still making him the CDs I promised. And I'm going to give them to him, too.