Pirate Fish Bones

Both Friday and this morning I ended up behind the same driver on my way to work, at the exact same spot -- a young woman driving a red four-door with very-cool artwork put onto her trunk. One looked like a swarm of sharks or a mating of ninja throwing stars, all merged and blended and hooked together into a giant sphere of pointy perfection. The other piece of metallic art was a skeleton of a fish, and he was wearing a bandana and black pirate eye-patch. This was just the first of many such little things over the last week or so that've helped remind me that everything happens for a reason, at the right time even, though we often have a huge "HUH?" on our soul. (At least I know I do.)....I've just heard songs that have gone together to bring up memories for me....Had conversations that feel like dreams I've had....Beautiful and strange things going on in my dreams and in my writing....

Got to meet Scotty, Ben's best friend, this weekend. Scotty is just a doll, and we all had so much fun eatin', drinkin', and laughin'. Had the chance to meet his family yesterday, and he also got the chance to know Jan over the weekend. It's nice to see a slice of Ben's pre-Portland life and to be let into that area of his being. Ben and I also attended a brunch at Karen's yesterday. Karen is a friend of Christina, and she held a brunch in honor of Christina's cat, Raz, who recently passed away from cancer. Karen is a lovely soul, and I look forward to getting to know her better.

Lots of sadness, tragedies, over the past week. Some of my coworkers have lost loved ones, other coworkers have found out they may be sick. These threads have gotten carried over into my personal life, too. And the saddest, most visceral part: Ben and I were driving back from Washington, and on a side road adjacent to the highway there were two cars, and a bike on the asphalt, and I thought the man crouching down--talking on his cellphone--was checking something on his jeep. There was a group of huddled people, presumably from both vehicles. Then I glimpsed the boy on the ground, by the bike. He must have been about seven years old, and he had dark hair and an orange shirt and shorts on, and I think--but I'm really hoping not--that I even saw his eyes open, not blinking, as we passed. We contemplated going back, but after talking about it--people there already, cellphones in use, people looking after the boy--we determined we might be more of a hindrance than a help. We kept driving, toward home, into the sunset.

Stillshot from the upcoming The Strangers (otherwise known as the film where Ben from Felicity fights Jason from F13 Part 2)

Mischievous Cherub

Ben always looks so dang cute when he's sleeping, like a groggy, mischievous cherub. Today (while he snored and "Mmm"-ed in his sleep with the blankets and pillows all tucked around him) I gathered up almost all the stuffed animals in the house and spread them out all around him. He didn't move an inch. Then, later when I checked on him, the little sheep with the blue eyes had toppled off the pillow and landed on his head, its legs spread over Ben's hair. Have I ever seen anything more adorable? Ben woke in a bit and looked, endearingly, at the collection of friends there with him. He moved his leg up and down, and made the comforter ripple, and the posse--led by everyone's favorite Mogwai, Gizmo--looked like they were rockin' out to silent music on this Thursday morning.

Alison

Alison is such a wonderful person to know -- strong, and funny, and insightful, and no-bullshit. She can be tender and ferocious at the same time, but in a lioness kind of way, wanting to protect her cubs. Ben and I had a lovely time celebrating her and Don's wedding this weekend. On Friday we were invited to Vibrant Table, where everyone was dressed to the 9's, and we all drank yummy beverages and ate scrumptious appetizers & treats (my fave? the chocolate cookies dipped in more chocolate, drizzled with icing, with lollipop-esque sticks jutting out the bottom for easy holding and eating....yum!).

Saturday was such a treat. After a lovely day of getting my ducks in order at home, Ben and I headed to the ceremony at the Rex Hill Winery, where we looked out over the rows of grapevines, and were able to mingle with all of Alison and Don's super-wonderful and fun friends and family. We felt blessed to be a part of the festivities. They had some Jewish traditions mingled into the ceremony, and as they stood getting married on the grassy slope, the sun was setting, the rays shining through the thick Doug Firs behind them. Quite a moment, let me tell you. Everybody ate, drank, danced, and was merry! I looked over right after the ceremony, and Alison was hugging Don and crying and their love was just bursting all over the place! And, again, her family and friends: Jyl....Kendall....the three girls (Sarah, Lauren, and Leighton)....Jenny....so many others.

Yesterday I had a Nathan-Day. Just soaked in the couch, and hanging with Ollie, and getting ready to pick Mom up from the airport. Aaron is all Safe-and-Sound in Glasgow, and I can't wait to hear about his adventures. He was crying when we talked on the phone as he rode in the taxi to the airport, and I could tell they were tears of missing us, of excitement, of fear, of hope and adventure. Mom, Jordan, myself and all the rest will miss you SSSOOO much, and we're so proud of you, Air Baby. So proud of you.

Getting a hug from Mom, and giving one to her, were the perfect ways to end my very awesome and introspective weekend.

Dylan Meconis

I have a new artist you must all check out -- Dylan Meconis.

Check out her stuff at www.dylanmeconis.com (I've also posted a link to her site to the right of this blog post.)

I highly recommend clicking on "Comics" and then starting "Family Man" immediately. She's an extremely talented woman, and I thank Marianna for introducing me to her work.

Keep it real,
N

Stale Popcorn

Last night I had the most horrible nightmares. All night long. I'd wake up from one dream, toss and turn for a bit, then go back to sleep and end up in another bad one. Seriously. There were six or seven nightmares in a row! I suppose, from a psychological standpoint, this can be attributed to stress (both good and bad) & my mind's desire to work things out: landing the new adjunct English Comp. position at AIP; wondering how Aaron's doing as he prepares to move to Scotland on Saturday; hoping my mom's doing okay, and wanting her to come back to Portland from NYC all refreshed, reinvigorated; dealing with my writing concerns and questions. At this point--hours after waking--I'm left with mostly psychic impressions, a few straggling images. The water slide at an amusement park, something murky in the waters and in the shadows of the building. Breathing underwater as two men, wearing scuba gear, try to break into the pool/amusement complex from a grate below, and I approach them, and we get into an argument and battle. Icky emotions remembered, being hunted, stalked by demonic presences, a feeling of claustrophobia.

I talked to Aaron this morning. I'm sure going to miss you, bro. Hopefully, in addition to talking, emailing, etc., you can read this blog and feel connected to me over here in PDX. Not only will you have Kristin, but my good friend Marieke lives "just down the road," and you two can hang out and discuss my fabulousness, 'kay?

Lately the muse has been using me wisely. It's almost like I can't keep up with all the images and stories and sentences that cut through me like delicious blades. In a way, it's crippling, because I can't get everything down, but crippling is surely the wrong word: crippling implies a negative thing. I love being flooded by the muse. I just need to breathe deeply and let instinct take over, one step at a time.

Yesterday was the six-year anniversary of 9/11. I honored the day with some deep meditations, and I thought back to the peace vigil Mom and I attended a couple weeks ago. It felt powerful and gentle, soft and illuminating, all at the same time. About a hundred of us gathered on the Hawthorne bridge, holding candles and flashlights and signs, waving and shouting and hugging. I am so proud of Jan for asking me to go with her, for her ability to always stay true to herself. She truly is my favorite role model.

Hugs and love to you all. I hope that tonight I slip into a different personal cinema, where the popcorn is fresh and has just the right amount of butter and garlic salt. Maybe I'll end up with some chocolate covered raisins, too, and a yummy Coke to wash everything down.

The Bogeyman

I slept like a baby last night, after a day of taking in a lot of what's gone on for the past two years. Mom is still in NYC visiting Jordan and Aaron, and it's strange to find myself in the house by myself. I don't like it better or worse -- it's just different. I think back to when I first moved to Portland, and I felt lonely and scared and a little broken, how I used to think the bogeyman (or, I should say, some Evil Killer from Somewhere) was trying to get into the house. I put knives under my bed, in other easy-to-find places. I had horrible nightmares and woke up, slinked to the front of the house and peeked outside to see if I was being watched.

Then Mom moved in, and it's been a year of being reconnected, of working on the house, of learning to spend time together in new ways, and to find those moments for myself where I used to be lonely and once in a while long for that old feeling, in a weird way. I sure do miss Jan. I can't wait to give her a big hug upon her return, to enter into the next phase of our Portland Adventure.

I've had a lovely couple of weeks. A week off to write, read, sleep....a nice weekend this past one of seeing Jim and Carl, Tara and Brad, of reaching into my muse-pores and allowing myself to channel Her. My mood has been up and down, but not in a scary way. Rather, in an accepting & accepted way. I watched two films this weekend--Starman and Never Cry Wolf--both starring Charles Martin Smith. How wonderful to feel at peace on a Sunday night, and to relish in my fresh sheets, in knowing Ollie is nearby to keep me company. I woke feeling blessed and alive and free, and scared and curious and a touch timid. Today is a good day.